How to be a Friend during Terminal Illness

Do you know someone with a terminal illness?

I do; a few people, in fact. That reality can quickly change a relationship. The instinct to reach out socially is weighed with these questions:

• What should I say?
• What if they're resting?
• And really: What should I say?

So, before you read too far along in this post, please take a brief detour to one of my most widely read posts: 

Ask the Coach: What to Write to a Friend with Terminal Illness

Alive in a New Way

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The most important themes of this post are to overcome your fears and recognize that, until someone dies, they are alive. It's not useful to wonder 'how long they have left to live', so focus on now, today.
Validate their reality by encouraging your friend or loved one to 'tell it like it is'. They are on a radical journey, travelling to that mysterious portal called 'death.'  Start with...

• How are you today?
• How does that compare to yesterday?

As you adapt to the setting and the energy level of the person(s) you are visiting, you may wish to know more about this traveler before you...

• Can you share one surprising thing about your journey with this illness?
• Where does your mind go when you want a favorite memory?
• Is there anything you wish you could do, right now, that I might be able to help accomplish? This could be anything from a Bucket List item, to reaching a book on a high shelf or picking up an everything-on-it bagel at the deli. You might find yourselves having fun with this!

Recognizing Courage

Often, it takes courage to live. Always, it takes courage to die. Kay, a woman with the neurodegenerative disease, ALS, inspires so many people with her courage.

ALS or INSPIRATION: What Makes Kay's Star Shine?  In person and in her blog, Kay continually advocated for awareness, truth, and love. Call it the divine trilogy-- it is the perfect formula for Knowing.

Don't leave your visit without recognizing the courage of the traveler! This is an unparalleled moment to learn a truth, so ask...

• Where does your courage come from?

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Hold all the responses in your heart. Later, visit this conversation in your thoughts, and smile with gratitude.

THE COACH SAYS: For additional suggestions on visiting and supporting the dying, read  Final Conversations: Helping the dying transition from this world
Thinking of a special gift? Read about comfort objects, here!

Thank you for caring!