What is compassionate condolence?It isn’t just about picking the right card… It is about stepping up as a messenger of support
when someone you know is facing one of life’s most uncomfortable occurrences-- DEATH--the loss of a loved one.
It is a time of great passion.
|"Jin" Compassion [Source]|
"It is hardest to be the one left behind.”
I addressed acts of compassion in this poem:
To Gentle The Cheerless Corners
It is a sharp edged world we live in,
As if splinters and slashes stalk us
Like self-willed entities.
They set snare for us: mean-spirited,
And intent on little tortures.
Always a quick wounding;
Instantly known and cursed,
Lifted to the lips,
Simply salved yet revisited with surprise-
A searing moment when cleansed or flexed.
In time, a healed in flesh-
A faint pucker, pink halo.
To heal by the sword- cloaked and wary,
We remain blind and bleeding
From our own sharp edges.
To heal by grace-
Kind and caring,
We smooth the splintered plank,
Dull the point,
And gentle cheerless corners of
The sharp-edged world.
Where do I begin?Before you pick up a pen, you begin by connecting with feelings--the ones in your heart, not your head: good feelings...uncomfortable feelings…
I want to get into a heart-centric place because it is there that I won’t face internal censors and fears.
I will be honest and empathetic. Common fears about writing condolence are:
- I don’t want to trigger sadness
- I can’t make the pain go away
- I didn’t know my boss’s parent
- It was a miscarriage/stillbirth--isn’t that a private medical matter?
- The survivor and deceased weren’t on good terms
- I don’t know their religious practices
- Wasn’t sending flowers or money to a charity, enough?
- I don’t want to cross professional boundaries
- I’m too late
Put these fears aside aside; they are all surmountable. Follow the link of each fear, to the Coach's solution.
The heart-centric place
Get out a pad of paper and pen and FOCUS a JOYFILLED and/or GRATEFUL SPOTLIGHT on the deceased. You can also include thoughts about a caregiver or special person in their life. Just let it flow.
When you've filled up a page, you will have many thoughts to choose from in composing your compassionate condolence.
Thank you for caring!