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Courage? Not Necessarily. Encourage? Yes!
I have been volunteering with hospices for thirty+ years. Last year, I prepared a resume of my experience and was gratified by not only the enduring commitment to this work, but how far I've come in understanding its nuances. It is such rewarding work because it courageously embraces the most powerful reality of life: our human form will reach an end point or as some term it-- a passage of transition to being without a body. Just being present to someone in the terminal phase of life and then, their active dying phase, feels sacred.
Passive and Active Encouragement
Honestly, I don't think 'courage' is required to be a hospice volunteer; instead, your gift is serving as a presence (listening, holding a hand, vigiling,) and while these are forms of passive encouragement, you may recognize a need for active encouragement. Both forms of encouragement can occur whether the patient is conscious or unconscious. When appropriate (determined by your skills of observation and intuition,) I believe a hospice volunteer is truly effective to:
Actively Encourage the person who is dying that...
- their life has been unfolding exactly as it needed to.
- they did the best they could with what they had.
- their legacy is principally about love and kindness; money and stuff are secondary.
- they can make peace with unresolved issues by simply doing so in their heart.
- it is now time to let go of this world, but they are not alone as they do so.
- the 'other side' awaits them.
Your Role with Family
A hospice volunteer often has contact with family--be it a spouse, partner, or adult child. Here again, your gift is serving as a presence: providing a respite, listening non judgmentally, quietly companioning during a vigil. Sometimes you will recognize the family member's need for active encouragement and then, keep it caring but simple. You may coach them on what is happening in the dying process with their loved one, but you are not there to counsel or give life advise. Let your heart, spirit and experience lead the way.
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Encourage the survivors that...
Even when we don't understand its timing, the circle of life ends.
Even if it sometimes appeared terribly difficult, their loved one lived the best they could with what they had.
During the dying process they can find peace with spoken words or a hand held; later, choosing heartfelt peace unfolds with forgiveness, acceptance, letting go.
The 'other side' awaits their loved one.
If you hear of specific concerns for a survivor's future--be it funeral arrangements, family or life matters, please pass that observation on to the hospice chaplain, social worker or bereavement support coordinator. Just say: "I think one of our hospice staff can help with that; I'll let them know."
Encouragement when you work in bereavement support
- death under tragic circumstances changes all survivors: give yourself time to grow into and past the crippling pain by reaching out for strength. It's available through support groups, counseling, clergy and spiritual care, online forums and activist groups.
- the legacy of a loved one has already been given; in time, you will find it in your heart.
- grieving is a personal journey--a nonlinear and fluctuating process of your own making and timing.
- allow yourself space, time, privacy to feel the power of this shared love, grieve its physical conclusion, and trust that in time, life will find a new equilibrium.
Before you begin service as a hospice volunteer
Be assured that you are needed! Volunteers fill essential roles and bring a unique dedication, often with a personal history and sensitivity to needs. It is suggested that you be at least one year beyond a significant personal loss before placing yourself in this type of volunteer role; the volunteer coordinator will probably ask about this. Volunteering in almost any human services setting may require annual testing for tuberculosis (TB) with a simple skin test. The Mayo Clinic notes:
"Tuberculosis (TB) is a potentially serious infectious disease that mainly affects the lungs. The bacteria that cause tuberculosis are spread from person to person through tiny droplets released into the air via coughs and sneezes."
So it is a mutual safeguard, along the lines of other Universal Precautions (such as thorough and frequent hand washing, use of mask and gloves at times,) necessary in patient care settings.
Expect paperwork!
A reputable organization will require an application, background check, and/or
references. With the reality of Covid 19, your vaccination status and documentation will be requested. Annual flu shots may be recommended but may not be mandatory for the organization. You'll be asked for a recent photo so that a photo identification badge can be made.
Expect your own questioning, a sense of wonder, surprise, and even fear. Accept that dying and death are cloaked in profound mystery, almost beyond comprehension; but hold faith in its universality and the fact that humans crave love and companionship-- even when we vehemently express the opposite!
To find a volunteer role with hospice, simply search "hospices near me", click on sites' volunteer tab, and consider calling the volunteer coordinator to learn more about the work.
Thank you for sharing and caring!
