Widowed 101

Dear Readers,

Many of my peers are approaching or well-into the wonderful age bracket of maturity that is rich with life experiences. Employment expertise or retirement recreation, travel, grandchildren, volunteering ... and saying goodbye to loved ones. 

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When you find yourself on a dramatically new path, it is a comfort to hear how someone else navigated the process, the pain, the prospects. I speak from experience and remember gratefully the support of friends, blogs, books, a support group. I made my own choices and that freedom was a bit frightening but also exciting. 

 While there are many types of losses addressed by the Condolence Coach (losses which can happen at any age,) my intention is that this post be a source of quick links to Condolence Coach posts on being widowed. Have you lost a partner or spouse? Are you supporting someone who has?These posts are for men or women, married and unmarried committed partners, regardless of relationship status or sexual orientation. 

Now three years past widowhood, my biggest advice is: stay open to life.

As always, you be the judge of what you find helpful.

Acupuncture for Grief Support? Yes!

The Gift of Last Words

In the Bewilds: Trekking Grief's Wilderness

Grief Recovery: Grinding Up the Old Road, Paving the New

Be Brave With Your Life

Joy's Warrior Dragon: Courage Befriends a Widow

There's a Bear in the Closet: finding your safe spaces

Climbing Out of Deep Space: through and beyond grief

Surprise:  I Thought I Was Past Grieving

Comfort Objects:  Rereading Memento Notes

Keeping Memories Alive

Cricket After Cricket:  Life Goes On

"You Didn't Waste Any Time" and other reactions

Feathers From Heaven: Loving Blessings From Beyond

The Invisible Grief of Lesbian Widows

Grief Tools: An Emergency Kit For A Bad Day

Thank you for caring...and sharing!

Feathers From Heaven: Loving Blessings From Beyond

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First, the loneliness

Tony and Liz* met at a widower/widow support group. They clicked and continued a steady, comforting companionship. Although we grow in numbers day by day, being widowed---losing a spouse/life partner sure feels lonely! Who else but another grieving spouse can understand how it feels to now wake alone, eat meals alone, make decisions alone, do all the little daily things alone. You look at that section called 'Emergency Contact' on various applications and medical information forms and you're struck (often stuck) wondering: No one's got my back! No one's waiting for me!

So Tony and Liz had many conversations, learned each others' stories---joys and heartbreaks, accomplishments and dreams. They appreciated being real with each other about losing 'the love of their life.' And that's when Liz shared about the feathers. 

People have long had experiences of contact with a departed loved one. It may be a familiar scent in the air, the appearance of a symbol, object, song; the possibilities are endless and deeply personal. Sometimes, a surviving spouse or family member had requested "when you get to heaven, send me a sign," and there may have been an agreed-upon indicator. Liz had heard of someone receiving a feather as a sign of wellbeing after death. She liked that idea and told her dying husband, Lenny: Please send me feathers of encouragement.

Well, she got feathers! Liz has told of feathers wafting in her home, and laying on unexpected surfaces. It warms her heart. She shared the story of feathers with Tony, who'd never heard of such things. He'd not asked his weakening wife for a heavenly signal and now regretted it. What a comfort it would be to somehow hear from Maura!

One afternoon, sitting together on Liz's patio, a feather drifted down and settled on her leg. Look at that! they both happily acknowledged. Moments later, the feather lifted on a slight breeze and, "of all the places it could have gone to settle, it landed on my leg!" Tony marveled.

There was no doubt in their minds. It was a loving blessing from beyond. 

How To Respond

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Readers come to this blog to learn and grow in sensitivity. The takeaways I'll leave you with, as a caring friend are these:

• Be supportive, whether or not you believe in unusual or paranormal experience. Say:
•  I can tell you have been comforted by this, and I am so happy for you. 
• Who am I to judge whether this is possible or not? It is fascinating, wonderful, and a blessing!
• Do not judge, belittle, try to explain, or re-direct your widowed friend to what you deem are more worthwhile activities or insights. 
• Read: Be Brave With Your Life

Read more about special messages from departed loved ones: 

Unusual Comforts in Grief: keep your opinions to yourself

Thank you for caring and sharing!

*This true story was shared with me, but for their privacy, I've changed names.