Acupuncture for Grief Support? Yes!

 The first two weeks after my husband died was a rough road 

Photo used with permission,
Wesley Tingey, unsplash.com

I cried, cleaned, practiced yoga, yelled, journaled, read grief lit, collected condolences, went to the mortuary for the cremation ashes and talked to my new form of husband: a box. I framed photos, filled bags for a Salvation Army men's shelter, googled 'widow', wore his flannel shirt, sat in his chair and asked: 'what the heck just happened?' and 'did I rush the hospice thing?' Then I played one of his jazz CDs and had a panic attack...I did most of those things over again a few times and then...

...I had the inspiration to book an acupuncture session for grief. That's right: acupuncture is not just for allegies, arthritis, and pain. In fact, the history and uses of this component of Traditional Chinese Medicine go back to ancient times. Most communities have a number of acupuncture providers and I gained some familiarity with it when my husband used this therapy to relieve disease symptoms. Clearly, I longed for some emotional traction on this rugged track.

I was relieved that the acupuncturist was not surprised by my treatment request; Cera had deep professional experience and put me at ease in her calming suite. I was face down and needle-tingling from head to feet when a lilting instrumental rendition of "On Eagles Wings" began playing. The release of tears and tension poured out of me, softening the pain of my new reality with love, peace, and trust. 

The reboot

Dr. Chen of the Chenzen Wellness Center likens acupuncture to rebooting your computer. He explains: "When you have an acupuncture session with a holistic approach, your body has done a reset of the entire energy system. It would relax your muscles and lower the stress hormones and even slow down your breath."

Grieving people may easily have tearful moments, but the 'easy' tears are often a response to incidental frustrations or loneliness, and easy tears often leave a person feeling drained. Chen describes the cathartic nature of acupuncture as restoring a "neutral state." That is how I feel after any acupuncture: calm and neutral.

Photo by Caitlin Wynne on Unsplash

 "As suppressed emotions are merged to the surface and the heavy lid of the emotion container has melted away by the acupuncture, I have seen patients who cried for hours after acupuncture. Some said it was so satisfying to be able to express emotions openly like a kid again. The suppressed emotional stress in the body is similar to the pressure inside a volcano. After an eruption, it would return to a dormant stage. Just  try to be a 5-years old yourself, to express your feelings openly which allows you to return to an emotionally neutral state."  - Dr. Qiang Chen

Concluding the face-up portion of my treatment, Cera lifted the white sheet to remove needles; we both marveled that, at the location of the sternum needle, a small red heart of blood had been released onto the cloth. 💔

My return home did not signal a Grief Graduation---most of us know that's a silly idea; but the support was real and I felt strengthened. A couple months later, I went for a second session; because I was feeling more stable, it was comforting, calming, drama-free. Both grief and muscles improve with slow, steady attention; one day in the future you'll do something and say 'that didn't hurt like I thought it would.' 

If you are a friend to a grieving person

You may mention: "I just read about someone who got some grief support with acupuncture."  Just as you do not give unsolicited advice or make judgments about your friend's decisions, let your comment sink in or dissolve. It's your friend's grief journey and they will make their own choices, in their own time.

Thank you for caring and sharing!

To review a summary of posts and links on being widowed, click here:

Widowed 101

Five More Breaths: Be Patient With The Dying

Dear Readers,

It is a pleasure to announce my new book:  Path of Possibilities, 101 One-Hundred Word Stories, available on Amazon.

What is it about? These very short stories (a genre known as Flash Fiction,) are grouped in four sections: 

• Adventuring in nature
• Being human
• 'Bizarro' -- strange circumstances, and
• Consciousness and spirit. 

I enjoyed every hour of writing and believe there is something here for every reader. I hope you'll check it out.

Today, I want to share a story (#100), derived from one of my vigiling experiences; of course, names have been changed.

Five More Breaths

Elsa headed home for supper with the cat. “Bring a jacket back; it cools after dark,” called Rosie, checking Joseph’s pulse. Mouth breathing now, his cage of ribs as delicate as bird bones, lifted slightly. She raised the window sash before returning to Joseph. I sensed a passage for spirits as she coaxed, “You get going now. We love you but those angels are waiting.”

Stillness. Satisfied he’d departed, Rosie removed the pillow, straightened the sheet, and left. I stayed, watchful. 

Breath. Space. I stayed. 

Breath. 

I’m still here, Joseph. Are you? 

Breath. Life’s last emberglow. Breath. 

Lifting. 

Breath. 

Free.

💜💜💜 from Path of Possibilities, 101 One-Hundred Word Stories ©2023 Deborah Rochon Roberts

Author image

Have Patience

This vigil reminded me that, despite the physical signs of active dying, we must be patient! Vigiling is the gift of presence that abides with whatever is happening. We recognize that this is not some quantifiable medical phenomenon.

This is a sacred time in which the dying person is perceiving on another level (yes, even when unconscious,) and they will choose when to leave.

Sometimes called Cheyne-Stokes breathing, there may be slowing, often irregular and widely spaced breaths--just as this story's gentleman experienced. Be attentive...and patient. In another home vigil, the nurse arrived within 30 minutes of our calling; death had occurred but this wise professional checked carotid and radial pulses and then spent a full minute listening to the heart with a stethoscope before pronouncing and noting a time of death.

I always find it useful to step away from my long-practiced experience to remember that we each may have a first time at the bedside of a dying loved one. It is such a profound time, overflowing with a blend of love, sadness, relief, fear, and uncertainty. For these reasons, I return to my blog's urging to share support and comfort with the grieving.There will be time for words and time for quiet presence. If it's been awhile since you were called to confort with condolence, browse this website--there are so many topics-- trust your caring intentions, and begin.

Thank you for caring...and sharing!