Leaders Do The Right Thing: Condolence and Professional Relationships

This is the second in a series about leaders who understand the need to step off the operations train from time to time...

Author Image

We look to leaders for direction, strategy and goals, project reviews and (dis)approvals. Sometimes, our leaders provide inspiration ... and sometimes they are called upon to provide sympathy. 

A leader cannot be too busy to care.

Thomas Rochon, Ithaca College President since 2008, hits the ground running each day-- at whatever hour the day demands.  He responds to the college, the community, and the hundreds of warm connections honed during an education career that was launched nearly 40 years ago at the University of Michigan, and progressed to span three continents (and many time zones!)

Dr. Rochon, "Tom," has plenty of valid excuses to opt for a sympathy email/text/tweet, or delegate staff to send "a nice floral arrangement," but he does not.

5 Tips for Sympathy Notes To Your Boss

SHE SIGNS YOUR PAYCHECK, BUT...

[Source]

How do you feel about writing the boss a condolence note?

 I appreciate some distance between work and personal life though clearly, who we are is a blend of both.  The boss, your supervisor, the team leader-- has family and will lose family.

Here are my 5 tips for expressing condolences in a professional relationship:

1. Use simple stationery.  Do not use company letterhead but personalized business stationery is fine. Do not use a legal pad or a greeting card covered in roses. 
2. If there is a printed message on a card, it should be brief  and kind but not syrupy.
3. Find out and use the name of the deceased: it's okay to ask the person you are writing to, "what is your mother's name?" (note the use of the present tense "is"!)
4. Some useful Keys To Comfort expressions are:  "this must be a difficult time," "I hope you are having a chance to share stories and memories with others in the family," "many people are probably thinking about ______, and how she touched their lives." 
5. A simple closing-- 'Sincerely' or 'Take Care' is appropriate and sufficient.

If you know your boss well, you will know if other caring components are fitting. You do not need to offer future personal support. 

And, if YOU are the boss, set a wonderful example, and write a note to your bereaved employee. I know very busy executives who, when informed of an employee's loss, take a few moments to handwrite a meaningful condolence. IT MATTERS!