Memorial Service Surprise: being quoted because you cared

Photo used with permission:
Jim Hunter, Fairbanks, AK

The memorial service was on Saturday afternoon at 2 o'clock, but my newly widowed neighbor had advised: come around 1:30 because it will get busy.

Our community has a sizable population of seniors. We enjoy varied interests, often volunteer, we have setbacks and sickness, we die.

You know how it is with neighbors

 

You connect with some, others are strangers but you know their car or truck. David was a good guy and being really sick didn't make him a hermit. If you needed a ride or a tool or advice about a snake in your yard--he was your go-to-guy. But he died.

We'd been to his bedside once hospice took over. His grip on my hand was fierce as he searched his weary brain for Bible citations, asking his wife to pull the Good Book down from a high shelf. Lisa opted for an iPad Concordance. Verses were read, but his hunger would not be met by the sagging slice of blueberry pie nearby. David was ready to harvest the crop of his life's sowing.

Led by David's widow to the front row at the memorial, we were greeted warmly before the service, by dozens of the congregation. 'Neighbors' had embarrassingly-exalted status here. Over and over, with handshakes and smiles, I repeated our appreciation for the family we came to support.

The designated speaker, Lamar, shared his own story of David's skill, kindness, and 'righteousness.' This go-to-guy had touched many lives. Reaching for a sheet, Lamar said, "Let me share from a note that Lisa received."

I began to hear my own words..."We were very saddened to not have more time with David. He lived the love-thy-neighbor Golden Rule..."

Photo used with permission:
Jim Hunter, Fairbanks, AK

Writing a condolence note, sharing your thoughts and memories in a sympathy card, is a gesture that touches more lives than you may imagine. It is a wonderful prospect, really: you have written to one person (in this case, David's wife) and yet, all who visited Lisa after the death, read-- and were comforted by-- the cards she had received. This is why a handwritten condolence note is so much more valuable than an electronic message:  it can be shared in a way that resonates with deeply-felt presence.

Don't let the prospect of unexpected readers scare you off! 

My Top 5 Keys for a Comforting Condolence Note
is a reliable aid; using two or three Keys is all it takes for a sensitive and comforting note.

1. I am very sorry.
2. I feel so fortunate to have known (use name) because___.
3. You have been a wonderful ___ (state relationship and cite an example, if possible.)
4. My favorite memory of (use name) is ___.
5. What I admired most about (use name) is ___.

Feel encouraged? Keep reading! 

Why Is Sympathy Sweet?

Don't Rush Your Condolence Note

The View from Downward Dog: Little Observations

Thank you for caring!

Don't Rush Your Condolence Note

You're ready to hop in the car and go the wake or service but-- darn-- you haven't bought a card.

RELAX. DON'T RUSH YOUR CONDOLENCE NOTE.

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It is not necessary that you walk in with a card. I would even like to suggest that putting a little time between the funeral and writing your note can be very helpful for you-- and your grieving friend who is, at the moment, overwhelmed with details and caring people.

The Bones of Indifference: Neighbors Found Dead

Dateline:  Chattanooga TN  Skeletal remains of brothers found at home in their side by side recliners.

Andrew and Anthony Johnson were 63 year old twins, quietly sharing a home, maintaining the lawn and doing some gardening. They grocery shopped together and lived the bachelor life, with blinds drawn and a shyness that may have been partially due to one brother's deafness.

A relative had asked local police to swing by and see if the brothers were okay. After forcing entry on March 29th, officers found them so deteriorated as to likely have been dead since 2011.

[Source]

How could this happen?