Be Brave With Your Life

 The Growing Through Grief series

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Be Brave With Your Life. This expression is embossed on the cover of the journal I purchased  over a year ago. Frankly, at the time, I didn't care for the gloomy, foggy cover image; I just wanted a new notebook. Now, I understand it. 

From day to day, we navigate--seeing only as far into the unknown, unfolding day, as each next moment allows. When you have faced a very close loss--spouse, partner, child, parent-- and the numbness wears off to reveal the new skin of acceptance, the next step is yours.

If the next steps are seen as gloomy and forbidding, your next chapter of life will be exactly that, and it will be a miserable existence. The option is to 'Be Brave With Your Life'. 

Being brave is an act of trust, hope, and faith in good. Put simply, it is optimism. And so I now turn my words to you, who are on the sidelines of a person who is moving forward after a loss. Please read this carefully!

Advice for those of you on the sidelines of someone's loss:

1. Do not give advice. If you are asked for guidance or a suggestion on a specific matter, share knowledge but don't assume you've been invited in as a life coach.
2. Do not become a cop, judge, or legislator on the nature and timing of new choices. What you believe is the right way/right time to 'get on with life'-- whether in the form of relocation, activities, or relationships-- is only your opinion. Do not poison someone's bravery with your 'well-meaning concerns.' The journey forward may have some disappointments or detours, but that is true for everyone!
3.  DO encourage. When you are told of some new thing in the person's life, respond with a hug or supportive words such as: "be good to yourself," "be happy, " "I'm happy for you," "go for it," "have fun" ... And then, bite your tongue if a "well-meaning concern" bubbles up and you are dying to share it. 

My most cherished friends support me in exactly these ways. They do not own or use 'poison arrows.' Love, care, interest, and support are the precious breezes they send my way. These bolster my bravery!

Thank you for caring!

To grow in your sensitivity to others' losses, please browse this blog, often!

This post is dedicated to Terry.

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