Bedside Stories for a Loving Goodbye Vigil

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The Rural Doctor

My friend Charlotte's father was a rural Iowa doctor; one of those special people who could calmly set a bone and stitch you up after a nasty farm accident, or cheerfully deliver your twins on a snowy winter night. Doc was both confidante and neighbor to his patients in an era when storytelling served the human need for connection.

Storytelling, sometimes called the oral tradition, spans history and cultures. Stories can teach, preach, entertain and comfort. We are born with an eagerness to ask for, listen to, and share stories. Pause just a moment and you will be flooded with memories, which are themselves, stories.

Source:
The Plain Needle Woman.com

One afternoon, Doc was called to the home of a dying patient. He found the grandfather in bed, surrounded by family; one by one, anecdotes and accounts were told. There was nothing fancy or formal in the room; patched pockets, darned socks, and flyaway hair were worn all around, and the draping of a softly faded quilt barely moved with the old man's slow rasp of breaths.
There were no whispers, either. Each story was a farewell blessing--a living tribute of love, admiration and humor, told with the same voices that their loved one heard on the porch or around the kitchen table.

"My family are all storytellers," Charlotte told me. She'd held this memory for many years until one day, with grown children of her own, the story came full circle. "My husband had suffered a brain bleed and was on life support. As my son and daughter gathered at their father's bedside, we decided to tell some stories about Dad."

Charlotte believed strongly in the tradition of stories as a tool for comfort, saying "I am sure their dad heard the stories and I know he loved it. Ultimately, the vigil of storytelling transformed our removal of life support into a loving farewell."

Ways to prompt stories

• Tell stories that allow expressions of admiration, love, gratitude. The caregiving person in charge may suggest:
• How did _____ inspire you?
• Let's talk about the time when _____
• What were some of his/her favorite sayings, and when did he/she most often use them?
• If someone wants to express a personal message to the dying person, give them some privacy. 

Suggestions to support the dying experience

• If the person normally wears hearing aids, remember to keep them in the ears, with fresh batteries. Even if someone is comatose (a state of deep, unresponsive unconsciousness that is common at the end of life,) the reception of sounds and words should be supported. 

  

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• Make contact: using a method that does not cause pain or other discomfort, options include a light hand on the head or stroke of a brow, holding a hand or resting a light hand on their shoulder, forearm or shin.
• Always inform the dying person about who is coming into or leaving the room. Casual statements such as: “Mom is going to take a nap,” or  “Hi Mary, this is Tom. I’m going to sit with you for awhile,” or “Mary, Tom is here now,” or "The kids are coming after school, in an hour."

Read more about vigiling:

Laughing Condolence: When life overflows, share a story

Silent Night, Holy Night: Sacred Dying is another reason to write condolence

Veterans at the End of Life: An Essential Salute

When You Cannot Vigil the Dying: Be There

Thank you for caring and sharing!