What is the Undoing Hypothesis?
"Undoing" is pretty simple: you counteract a stressful experience or situation with a steady intake of comforting images and experiences. It is so beautifully accessible to all, that I felt I must be its advocate...and encourage you to be, too.
I switch up toothpastes to relieve the boredom of brushing; this month, I started using a Tom's of Maine paste. I was inspired by the thought provoking tagline on the tube:
Do a little good today
(My friend Lauren calls it a mitzvah)
This is right on target for UNDOING as that adjective 'little' entices us with a kernel of hope: it may not take a huge, costly effort to heal from or regain equilibrium when a difficult experience or illness affects us emotionally.
What does little look like?
Little could be: waving at a neighbor, snagging that crumpled flyer before it blows down the street, coming to a full stop at the corner, being patient in line, not muting a rambling storyteller in your zoom group, and texting "how are you today?" to an ill friend.
Doing a little good...when someone is ill
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An illness can be a brief inconvenience or a long road of struggle. When you know a friend or family member is struggling, one method of assisting with
undoing is to
...allow a person to live without a label 😎
One important way to do that is to follow Tom's suggestion to do a little good today. You don't have to concern yourself with cause, prognosis, or preparedness; just show up today and in whatever way seems best for the individual, do a little good! For some, sending a funny photo, or adorable animal video link is a hit. Validation of the individual-- reminding them of their true qualities as a loving, creative, caring person-- is important. Share some affection, too---it's easy with emoji: 💓💞💜💝🎀🏆 Don't let seriousness overwhelm the circumstance: undoing can be helped by a silly moment, a laugh!👙👠⚽🎈🏄🎠🌅🌈🌎🌊
Let today be what it is.
In a culture of supersizing, doing a little good has a lovely vibration of gentleness and simplicity. I love to simply ask "how is your day?" Then just listen. When you are trusted, your friend or loved one will feel safe saying things like "I don't feel well today," or "I didn't cry today," or even "I think I'm turning a corner: I'm ready to let it go."
My weekly visits to persons in a care center for hospice, take on many forms. It can be dining room chitchat about pigtails and ice cream. It can be offering one faith nugget to dispel worry or a kernel of kindness in playing an old song on your phone. I am not curing or removing a terminal condition; that is not my undoing role. But I am offering peace---the undoing of desperation and fear. Peace is a huge gift; actually, you are not giving the peace but you are helping someone navigate to find it in the center of their being.
And the day(s) may come when you enter the room and say, "I'm here, it's me, __________, I'm just going to keep you company now." And the 'little good' of just sitting quietly nearby, with or without a light touch, is immeasurably perfect.
More posts on supporting the ill or dying:
Thank you for caring and sharing!
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